There must not be a God

Tuesday

“There must not be a God.”

The words I spoke as I walked out the door of my first marriage.

I was 22.

…..They did not follow your regulations, by which people will find life if only they obey. They stubbornly turned their backs on you and refused to listen. In your love, you were patient with them for many years…..           

Nehemiah 9:29-30

The horrifying experiences I had in this relationship were due to one thing:  we turned away from God.  It was all very innocent.  We had moved and hadn’t found a church yet.  This was a prime time for the devil to sneak in and do his work.  Not only did we not have a church, but no friends, no family or community to hold us accountable.

Leaving yourself vulnerable by taking God out of your life is a tricky situation.  Focusing on Him is parallel to finding value in yourself and in your life. Once you lose that, you start looking elsewhere to belong. Many people won’t listen to God when they are a well oiled machine; making the money, having great relationships, completely healthy, etc..  Without a listening ear, you may end up broken before the noise can be cleared out of your soul.   At some point,  the money will start to back up, the relationships will start to falter and your health may start to take a downward turn.   

When I walked out that door, I was not ready to listen.  I was too mad, too alone and too damaged to understand that God was still the answer.  It would be many years before I was ready to listen to God again.

Since I wasn’t ready to listen, I was setting myself up for lots of lessons, lots of lessons.  Aaaarrrrgggg.  Why didn’t I just listen?

Dear Lord, when things get rough, remind me that You are still the answer, no matter what.  Help me remember that I need to be in church and constant contact with you Lord.  Amen